This is What Happens When You Leave Wake Forest

There is almost no good reason to ever want to Leave Wake Forest unless it involves a boat drink, a ship, and an ocean. But here are some observations about life outside of Wake Forest from a recent excursion to Michigan.

It get’s weird out here in the outside world. Get me back to Wake Forest, fast, please. I want to go home.

Drag Your Pet Wherever You Go.
Goodie, drag your pet wherever you go.

Nothing let’s your pet know you love them like dragging them around on the ground wherever you go in this tow behind pet carrier. We can’t imagine that dragging your dog down a train platform in this is really going to be “no hassle” as advertised. Fluffy isn’t going to go catatonic at all as you head downstairs in this carrier. And you know someone will.

Apologies for the fuzzy picture. We were laughing so hard it was hard to get a clear shot. It might be hard to read in the fuzzy picture but it says, “Spoil them at home or on the go.” Are we supposed to drag Spot’s ass around the house in this thing? We’ve got three dogs and there isn’t one of them that would not need puppy Prozac after an afternoon drag in this box.

Cats might be more welcoming to a drag with the person they own but surely a drag would end with cat looks of pity and disgust with you. Come closer, let me pet your face with my claws.

A closer look at how happy your pet will look.
A closer look at how happy your pet will look jammed in this thing.

Here is a clearer look at the pet in the box being dragged from the SkyMall website. Now that we’ve seen this we are even more frightened. And we can only guess what all those black marks are on the ground behind them.

It’s going to be one noisy experience with the bag going shhhhh, shhhhh, shhhhh, on the concrete. The dog will be howling and someone is going to step in the skid marks left and probably slip and fall. This contraption has Gitmo written all over it. Too bad it doesn’t come in prison orange as well.

A $700 Helmet to Make You Regret You Ever Let Someone See You Wear This.
This $700 helmet will make you regret you ever let someone see you wear this. Trust us on that one.

If you actually buy this thing and let people take a picture of you wearing it, trust us, you will regret it in a few years, or much less. Not a look for posterity.

“Hey Burt, remember when you paid $700 for that red glowing helmet to make your hair grow?”

You've got us stumped. What does this mean?
You’ve got us stumped. What does this mean?

Agin from the inflight magazine, an interesting nonverbal message but what could it mean? A tough challenge for the nonverbally challenged.

Possible policing.
Possible policing in St. Joseph, Michigan. It may, but then again it may not.

We understand the concept but inviting people to play a guessing game about surveillance that might not exist seems to moreover send the message we don’t have cameras but we did buy this sign. If you have cameras, why put the sign up if you want to catch people in the act.

Interestingly, the sign alerted us to look around to not spot a single camera. Thanks for bringing this all to our attention. We suddenly may or may not feel less secure after seeing the sign.

Nothing says a quality grocery store like a worm sign.
Nothing says a quality grocery store like a worm sign.

It’s a party now for sure. Bread, apples and worms. You’ve come to the right store.

Goodwill Halloween Costumes Are In.
Goodwill Halloween Costumes Are In.

Honestly, we know some of the donations of clothes at Goodwill can be sketchy but are they now turning the worst ones into Halloween costumes? Hum, that could actually be a brilliant idea for all those urine stained pairs of underwear and food dribbled shirts people drop off.

Want to Buy MoneyGram? Apparently It's for Sale Cheap.
Want to buy MoneyGram? Apparently it’s for sale cheap.

Just made us laugh. The other side of the sign said it was for sale for $75,000. We’ll go with the $35,000 side. But if you can wire $35,000 you can pick up MoneyGram cheap.

Kettle Bells.
Kettle Bells.

From the inflight magazine. How big is the market for iron scary kettle bells? Is “fully functional” really the best selling point? You’d think a bell that goes ding would kind of be a prerequisite. How many people buy non-functional bells?

In what way is the big iron bell with the huge face on the front “perfectly balanced?” It must have a huge iron gorilla ass on the back.

But it wasn’t till we visited the website for these things that we realized a kettle bell is not a bell like you ring, It’s a weight like a dumbbell. Who is the dumbbell now?

Training gear. Really?
Training gear. Really?

Now that we’ve discovered the real intent for the bells it makes the full page advertisement even stranger now.

But if we had to lift a 72 pound iron gorilla head we’d probably have two poods in our pants as a result. If you lift the chimp you only wind up with one pood in your pants.

Just as an observation from the video above the guys talk about how functional the dead animal iron heads are. As a weight with a handle, how would it not be functional?

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