Ask Winnie – I’m Jewish and My Neighbors Left This on My Porch

Dear Winnie,

This was found on my porch last Christmas.

I’m Jewish and my neighbors won’t share the annual holiday cookies with me. They deliberately pass over my house, but they left this on my front porch. I believe this is BIG NEWS!

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Anonymous Christmas gift.
Anonymous Christmas gift.

You have the sweetest neighbors. That kind of gift is obviously given with some forethought and consideration.

banana zoomApparently the banana is not any ordinary banana. It’s organic and proclaims “I’m Good With Kids.” So this is more like an expensive gift that is kind and considerate.

And as far as the rest, those cookies look hideous. Thank goodness you only got two of them.

May I suggest you just leave them on your porch and my friends and I will come by to deal with them for you this year.

Finally, the arrangement looks classically familiar. Apparently someone with an artistic touch in retro art lives nearby.

The bottom line is you should consider yourself lucky because this tees you up to have the last laugh this year. Consider making all your neighbors cute little boxes of Sufganiyots. Who can’t love a jelly donut?

Hanukkah this year begins on November 27th and ends on December 5th. Get a head start and drop your little holiday boxes off in this timeframe. It will give you a chance to share your emotional impression of Hanukkah and make them feel like a dick if they don’t count you in this year. See, it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Your friend,
Winnie the irreverent Wake Forest News advice squirrel.

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