Cryptic Elm Avenue Sidewalk Mystery Solved With Indian Attack

Always wanting to help other Wake Forest Nutters, we fielded a question from a reader who said, “Now ask Wake Forest about the sidewalk on Elm Avenue across from the fire station.” And that’s all they said.

After much contemplation we were left with probably the exact same tilted head, squinty eye look on our face as we too said, “Rut Ro.”

Not wanting to be hosed when assisting loyal readers we accepted the challenge and had to get in the car to go look at the subject sidewalk to try and solve the mystery.

We have to admit the issue stumped us at first. The curbs appear fine and the sidewalk looks level. So what in the world is the issue?

But after studying the situation for a few minutes, like we were looking for Waldo, we think we’ve spotted the issue.

Our best guess is the leaning vegetation makes it hard for anyone past the seventh grade to walk down the sidewalk without being pushed into the street. Either that’s the problem or the reader has a terrible life altering fear of needles, pine needles.

Take a look and see what you think.

The Elm Avenue Sidewalk Mystery.
The Elm Avenue Sidewalk Mystery.

Once we had a somewhat plausible clue what the issue might be with 70% certainty we did what we do best, pestered the Town.

Public spokesperson Bill Crabtree said, “Thanks to your reader for reporting the issue on Elm Avenue. We’ll make sure the concern is addressed right away.”

So we always stand ready to help readers resolve problems but in the future may we humbly beg for just a bit more information on the exact problem? We suck at riddles.

Historic reference helps solve mystery.
Historic reference helps solve mystery.
For all we know the use of the phrase “fire station” was a loose reference to a lost copy of the U.S. Constitution in the field station or FS fire in 1864. The tangential mention of Elm Avenue was an inference to the name of the raiding party that started that historic fire on the chilly March night back then. One version of the events says Ulmaceae (Elm) tribal members, angry over the loss of sacred semi-deciduous trees which were replaced with pine trees, launched the midnight raid and forced captives to walk at a painful tilt as punishment. Yea, we’re just making shit up at this point. None of that is true but it sure sounds plausible, doesn’t it? That’s the Wake Forest News, making history up since 2013.

In case you were not aware, the Town of Wake Forest has an iPhone and Android app that allows residents immediate access to all of the town’s departments. One of the app’s most popular functions is the “Report It” feature that allows users to take and submit photos for prompt action on everything from street and sidewalk maintenance to street light outages and potholes. You can download the app here.

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