Steal Candy From Your Kids and Send it to Our Troops

We love Wake Forest with all our heart. We think it is a special place to live, except when traffic on Capital Blvd is all backed up. Then, not so much.

But every once in a while a press release from a local Wake Forest business catches our attention and while we fight the urge not to write about it, in the end, we are weak and powerless and give in. It’s a sickness.

Here is one such example from a press release recently sent out by a Wake Forest dental office.

The release said, “We love Halloween like everyone else, but eating too much candy can be unhealthy for teeth, particularly for children. With Operation Sweet Tooth, Triangle residents have a wonderful opportunity to preserve their dental health and send unneeded candy to our fighting men and women as a reminder of home.”

So let’s get this right, the dentist says too much candy is bad so we need to steal it from our kids and send it to our troops? What child ever volunteered their candy as “unneeded?” What kind of mutant kids live in Wake Forest?

Missing Cavities From Home? Open This Box of Love.

The press release says the event involves “a bounce house, games for children and classic cars on display. The Wake Forest Fire Department will also appear with one of its fire trucks. [We are thinking drive by.] Visitors are encouraged to dress up if they desire as well to celebrate this benefit for members of the U.S. armed forces.”

"Nah, we'll take the candy," said two frontline soldiers.
“Nah, we’ll take the candy,” said two front line soldiers.
No suggestions are given what participants should dress up as. May we humbly suggest, if we are truly going to support our front line troops then we need to consider the modern equivalent of the WWII pinup girl. If we can’t find that then let’s just go with strippers and hookers. Take pictures and put those in the boxes.

Now we are getting somewhere and giving our troops something they can really sink their teeth into.

We were children ourselves once and the only “excess Halloween candy” we ever had left over was the crap nobody wanted to eat.

If your kids have not eaten their candy corn, wax lips, wax bottles, peanuts, or Mary Jane’s, it’s not because they are stashing it. It’s because those are the least favorite Halloween candies and people typically hate them.

To made this whole thing just uber-inconvenient for everyone the event will take place on Wednesday afternoon, “Nov. 6 from 1 p.m. to 6 p.m. at the firm’s office.”

We get the intent and love our troops. And the press release would have passed unnoticed if it didn’t bring to our attention the fact we need to take stuff that is bad for our kids and instead send it to our troops. Semper Fi Dentists. Of course then again, 2 out of 10 dentists prefer sugared gum.

We think we need to extrapolate this out a bit further and give each returning Wake Forest soldier a free dental exam and free fillings at the dentist office to make up for it. Now there is a true gift of love to support our local troops.

But Maybe We Are Just Being Stupid

You know, maybe the whole suggestion about sending pictures of hot babes to the front lines is a ridiculous suggestion. That would never happen.

Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders Entertain Troops for USO.
Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders Entertain Troops for USO.

Whoa, what are we thinking. Of course the troops would love that.

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