Ask Winnie – Why Does Wake Forest Hate Skateboarders?

Dear Winnie,

Why does Wake Forest hate skateboarders so much?

They passed ordinances banning skateboarders from downtown and I am wondering why, do skateboarders not have money to spend in downtown Wake Forest?

There is I guess the option to go to the factory but you must pay to use the facilities. I pay taxes and skateboard and feel that I have just as much right to be downtown as anyone else.

If the town is going to make these ordinances and expect me to follow them, then I better see it being enforced fully. The ordinance states no tricycles as well downtown so I want to see four year old getting the same tickets and warnings as skateboarders get.


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Dear Ben,

While I love to help my fellow Wake Forestians, myself and my squirrel friends hate those fucking skateboards. Who wouldn’t when you live four inches off the ground and some giant plank comes rolling at you. You try seeing it from our vantage point sometime and see what you think.

And I can certainly see how you might get the impression Wake Forest hates skateboards. We see it, people give you shit for all that jumping off stairs or sliding down the edges of structures, seating walls or down a railing.

And this is America, you don’t want people telling you what you can or can’t do. As a community of squirrels we don’t want that either. We would prefer that people just keep their damn hands off our nuts and leave us the hell alone.

But things changed for you on what I call S Day. That was the day in March 2013 when the board of commissioners voted to approve an ordinance prohibiting skateboarding and other roller things on public streets and sidewalks in Wake Forest’s downtown municipal district.

The no skateboarding zone extends roughly from south of Holding Avenue to just north of Spring Street and between South White Street and South Franklin Street. If you want to roll around outside of that area, you can take your shred sled over there and be as aggro as you want to be.

No skateboard zone.
No skateboard zone.

Look, the Town is going to tell you they did this to protect skateboarders. In fact what they will exactly say is “The new ordinance is designed to reduce the risk of damage to property, but even more importantly, protect the health and safety of both pedestrians and skateboarders.”

We all know that’s bullshit. They did it to stop skateboarders from damaging property, hurting people, and scaring away shoppers.

Wake Forest is trying to be a cultural center and art destination. Not a skate park.

And Ben you are probably one of those responsible skateboarders we’ve seen around town. The rules should not be necessary for you and your friends. But rules are like assholes, every groups got them. In February before the new rules kicked in, skateboarders caused approximately $9,000 worth of damage to the seating wall in town hall’s Centennial Plaza.

New Wake Forest skateboard police with blowguns.
New Wake Forest skateboard police with blowguns.
We’d be all for bring the skateboarders back if they’d agree to pay for special skateboard police in Wake Forest and give the skateboard police permission to use blowguns to drop a skateboarder breaking the rules. That would let you skate again and be a whole lot of fun to watch. Psfft – ahhhh.

The ordinance, which is now in effect, also bans tricycles, scooters, in-line skates and anything that moves by “human power.” There are exceptions, however, including bicycles, wheelchairs, wagons and rickshaws. We’d love to see a rickshaw in town. Wake Forest Rickshaw – You Call, We Haul.

And we will start getting our bushy tails all in a bunch about the tricycle ban and enforcement on the day we see kids on trikes doing this stupid shit you see in the video below.

Your friend,
Winnie the irreverent Wake Forest News advice squirrel.

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