We Offer Our Suggestions for Park Volunteer Event

The Town of Wake Forest is inviting area residents and nature lovers to celebrate National Trails Day this Saturday (June 7) during a family-friendly event at E. Carroll Joyner Park, 701 Harris Road.

Beginning at 9 a.m. Wake Forest will recognize nearly 200 Adopt-a-Trail and Adopt-a-Stream volunteers during a special presentation in the Joyner Park Performance Garden. The ceremony will include opening remarks by Mayor Vivian Jones and a special presentation by the Greenways Advisory Board which will announce the ‘Tom Stoddard Volunteer of the Year.’ The award is named in honor of Stoddard, a highly respected Wake Forest resident and dedicated Adopt-a-Trail volunteer, who passed away in 2013.

The festivities will continue at 9:30 a.m. with an expo featuring 10 interactive environmental education stations. Set up throughout the park, the stations will offer both children and adults fun-filled opportunities to experience the wonders of nature while learning about the environment.

In the twisted world that is the Wake Forest News we humbly offer our suggestions for these stations:

  1. Snake pit. Better demonstration if you are entirely if drunk or tripping.
  2. Poison ivy demonstration. Calamine not provided.
  3. Stations of the cross for Catholic participants. BYOK (Bring your own kneeler)
  4. Beer cooler carry contest. Must have a minimum of 24 full cans in cooler with 5 pounds of ice.
  5. How to have discrete and consensual sex in the woods without getting caught.
  6. Skunk training: How they work and what to avoid.
  7. What to do when you are deep on a trail with no extra diaper for the baby in the stroller who just made that face like they were weightlifting.
  8. How to carry your trash out of the park. Participants are encouraged to bring trash from home with them to practice with.
  9. A practical demonstration on how much wood can a woodchuck really chuck if a train left Chicago at 2 PM on a cloudy day. This one is interactive. Bring a suitcase.
  10. A diorama showing the differences between a river, stream, creek, trickle, and a questionable wet spot in the woods.

As part of the expo, attendees will have the opportunity to make a birdhouse; see raptors; learn about bugs, reptiles and amphibians; identify various trees and plants; tour the Volunteer Tree Nursery and much more.

Children who pick up a pass book at the Greenways Advisory Board booth and have it stamped at every station will receive a special prize.

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