Wake Forest Announces New But Disturbing Parks and Recreation Programs

The wonderful Wake Forest Parks and Recreation Department has announced new potential upcoming programs for Wake Forest residents.

We all know the department is full of hard-working exceptional people who spend their waking hours deviously crafting new games, classes, and team sports to keep the athletic town rift-raft off the streets.

Well they’ve outdone themselves again this season with new and fun suggestions of potential sporting events.

The department has just announced the potential new programs coming up and encourages residents to provide feedback and thoughtful opinions about which programs they would like to see implemented in the near future.

The finalist programs are:

Archery for Blind People: Note: This program will require a $50 activity fee for additional body armor for all Park & Recreation staff members who will be standing next to the targets while making a beeping sound. It’s a bit rough on the staff but they are willing to take one for the team. (Note: While this article is a work of satire, this is actually a real sport. See http://www.seenolimits.org/.)

Pre-K Lawn Darts: This nostalgic program will help residents over 55 to relive all of those incredible childhood memories they had before government stepped in to provide sensible parenting guidelines. It was a tossup between this program or a modern version of “ride your bike wherever you want but just come home by dark.”

Olive Ball – it’s the pits: On the heels of the unbelievably successful advent of Pickle Ball in town this new game is hoped to draw people away from the long lines to play Pickle Ball and draw them to less busy courts. People will relish this game and friends will turn green with envy if you play. “It’s pimento perfect,” said one enthusiastic resident.

Beer Chugging: This team sport will be sponsored by White Street Brewery. If you want to participate in the upcoming seasons you will need to visit White Street Brewing to qualify on a Friday or Saturday night.

Pickup Truck Team Tire Change: Potentially back again this year is this wildly popular sporting event. To make things a little more interesting, this year will feature a championship round using monster tire trucks. Participants will need to supply their own nuts. Mud is optional.

Pin the Tail on the Honkey: Kind of self-explanatory. The Town is looking for honkey volunteers to participate. Community service hours will be available for those needing hours to satisfy court requirements.

Park Bench Sitting for Dummies: While not exactly a sporting event there was some doubt and confusion exactly where to list this super fun sport since there is no continuing education schedule. This Joyner Park event is expected to fill up fast so don’t drag your feet to register.

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