We are proud to announce the Wake Forest News has finally won a contest.
In the recent contest for worst media outlet in a North Carolina town of 5,000 residents, we finally won the recognition we have worked so hard to earn as the worst news outlet in the region.
Of course if confession is in the air, we did not only nominate ourselves but also bribed the officials and stuffed the ballot box. It’s amazing what a case of beef jerky can get you these days.
You see, mediocrity and lack of talent is not bound by any ethical bounds. Well, except maybe the bright line ethical boundary to avoid excessive proofreading. That is a rule we can get behind and work hard to uphold on a regular basis.
To celebrate this award the Wake Forest News has decided to refund all readers the free subscription they pay to get the latest edition delivered by email. You see we like to give back.
“Actually, we publish very little these days,” said managing editor Festus Garbagemountain. “Instead we spread the message via our Facebook page which is the laziest way we can do things,” added Festus.
While the award is our most prestigious achievement received yet, there can’t help but be some lingering disappointment over the perfectly serious complaints we receive.
For example, yesterday one reader complained to the Town and on Facebook and expressed outrage over the proposed Wake Forest blind archery program. Yet no complaints were filed about the suggested programs “Beer Chugging” and “Pin the Tail on the Honkey.” Clearly the paper is falling down on the job if we can’t generate complaints over those programs, and let’s not forget the announced “Pre-K Lawn Darts.”
The plan is to hang the well deserved award on our nonexistent wall in our nonexistent office.
Garbagemountain added, “In 2015 we plan to work twice as hard to crank out the worst crap we can so we can lock in the award next year.”