I occasionally see television and print advertisements for weight-loss programs. Invariably, these ads show a slim, young, attractive woman with perfect teeth or a handsome young man with great hair and six-pack abs. We are encouraged to believe that these beautiful people were once fat.
But we know better. We know that no matter what diet plan we go on, we will never be as beautiful as the people in the weight-loss ads. We’ll buy the product and still have crooked teeth and a little flab around our bellies.
America’s private colleges are like the weight-loss companies. Enroll at our prestigious institution, study on our cool campus, interact with our brilliant but kindly professors, and you’ll be on the road to a fabulously better life.
For example, here is some puffery from Quinnipiac University’s website:
From your first day, Quinnipiac’s expansive resources and passionate professors will help you flourish and build a foundation for success. You’ll create your first memories as a Bobcat on this campus, and find supportive resources throughout your journey.
How much will this journey cost you? Only about $70,000 a year in room, board, fees, and tuition. That’s more than a quarter of a million dollars for a bachelor’s degree.
But, hey, you’ll probably get a scholarship of some kind, and you can take out student loans. And if you need more cash to finance your studies, your parents can take out a Parent Plus loan.
Just remember, no matter where you go to college, you will still be you. And there are probably many people willing to help you reach your dreams who will charge you a lot less than a quarter of a million dollars.
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